He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
