This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
