so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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