I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
