dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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