That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My life is pants optional.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
