my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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