dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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