dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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