Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
