so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
