A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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