He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
