she was so not down for the gang bang
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
