You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I stole a fireplace last night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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