I just pynch a tree in the face
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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