whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
