and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
