Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
