We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
