I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
