Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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