You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
