Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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