plz talk dirty to me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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