I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She said her name was "party"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
