I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
