Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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