i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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