dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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