So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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