i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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