well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are the jesus of drinking
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
