and you said cock pushups were impossible
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize