Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize