sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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