Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
