I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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