I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
