I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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