Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
