'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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