I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
