What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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