things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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