something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
