i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
