I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize