i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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