is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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