found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
