I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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