i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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