I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
