this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can you bring me the toilet please
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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