using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
