Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
