Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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