You can't motorboat a personality
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
