allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize