spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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